The Cletwr Big Build Blog

What's Occurin'?

Month: February 2017

Little boxes, little boxes…

What I thought I’d ordered was a 2.00m high Ikea bookcase for the Welsh Library. Did I miss the decimal point out?

Yep, the building kit has arrived! I must admit there are times (mainly when it’s not chucking it down) when it looks like being a builder is really quite a fun job. You get to work in the fresh air with what are basically giant kids toys! I sometimes wonder whether I made the right decision when I chose a career as a Nobel-prize winning Astrophysicist.

(Okay, I admit the career didn’t quite work out as planned, but cleaning toilets in Pier Pressure is a perfectly honourable profession – it takes years of experience to be able to do it properly. And those so-called scientists who rejected my work will pay – once I have my new command bunker and missile launch system they’ll soon learn the consequences of spurning my genius! Mwaaa hah hah hah….)

Cat on a hot tin roof!

well, cat on a hot concrete floor, to be accurate.

Not only are our team of heroic builders expert extreme Jenga players (see previous posts) it seems they are highly respected for their skills at competitive mega-spaghetti eating as well. Our first photo today shows them laying out several hundred yards of spaghetti prior to hoovering it up for their lunch.

Oh alright, yes I know, it’s too thick for spaghetti. It’s actually the underfloor heating pipes that will run under the floor of the entire building. It will be seriously toasty warm. I can see most of the staff leaving their shoes at the door and wandering around in bare feet (one of those funny French foot baths will be provided in the staff loo)

And the pipework is now totally hidden. We’ve been lucky with the weather this week and so the concrete mixers turned up on Wednesday to put down the concrete base slab. Isn’t it pretty?

Notice the various pipes and tubes sticking out of the floor. You may be forgiven in thinking that these are where the various waste pipes will be going, for the loos, sinks etc. That would be partly true. What isn’t so obvious is their secondary purpose – they’re the launch silos for our micro-ICBMs (Inter Cantref Ballistic Missiles). These have a considerable range, and, if we are threatened, can rain cleansing nuclear fire on the hostile Gwyneddian and Powysian hordes as far away as Dolgellau and, if the wind is favourable, Welshpool. I suggest that customers might avoid using the toilets during times of inter-cantref tension, in case they get a nasty surprise.

The funny mess of tubes in the middle look like the heating controls, but are also the launch controls for the missiles. They’ll be hidden behind the secret wall in the booze stockroom, where there will also be the lift down to the command bunker.

The timber frame kit will be arriving from Ikea on Monday 6th, and we hope should be in place in a couple of weeks. We’re really looking forward to being able to wander round inside then and get a real feel for the space. In the meantime we’re busy looking at equipment catalogues for machines that will automate everything and make our life easy – nice clever coffee machines and dishwashers and something to mix the perfect cocktail (staff use only).

And in other, minor, development news, we now have some signs up to suggest that only cars and motorbikes should use the car park by the shop – larger vehicles should probably try and park (safely) on the road. The little alleyway to the shop between the workshop and Huw and Sue’s house is now a little bit safer after dark, and no longer a haven for all the local muggers, murderers and monsters as we now have a couple of motion-activated lights down there. Hopefully you can now see the step before you trip over it. We feel slightly guilty about making the muggers homeless so, as we are doing for the bats with their en-suite bat-boxes on the new building, we’ll see about providing some nice dark mugger-boxes in the shadows.

And one last thing – does anyone know where I can get hold of a large, fluffy white Persian cat, a bit like the one in the piccie. It seems to be an essential accessory, and will go well with the 60ft high gold statue (which incidentally is actually going to be useful – it’s not some silly vanity project as has been suggested by some jealous voices who just wish it was a statue of them – we’re going to see about fitting a mobile phone mast in the torch so at last we might get more than one bar round here – although of course you already get a choice of three bars if you pop into the Wildfowler – I prefer the public one these days, very popular on a Friday night. And don’t forget to turn out for Chris’ wonderful fortnightly quizzzzes, complete with beer and grub)

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